As human beings, we can’t argue that we don’t gaze over one another's life every once in a while in search of confirmation that we are doing this whole thing “right.” Often, it feels good to rediscover that we are all, in many ways, the same. It feels good to be assured we aren’t the only ones that are tired, stressed, unorganized, busy, or unmotivated. Though there may be a fine line between finding relatability in one another, and developing the habit of a comparative headspace.

The month of May has been all about Mindfulness, and it is also my birth month. Since turning 21 on the 10th of May, I have gained a huge awareness of the comparative loop I fool my mind into, almost daily.

It is common to make assumptions about what our lives are “supposed” to look like at a certain age, time, and place. How could we not when we are constantly shoving our lives in each other’s faces through Instagram, Facebook, and the like.

Something I learned about myself this month is that I thought at age 21, my life would look much dierent than how it really does. Based on my perception and exposure to the lives around me, I thought 21 meant senior year of college, sorority sisters, parties every weekend, hook up culture, maybe an internship, and one last summer back in my hometown before entering the “real world.” Waking up on my birthday this year, knowing none of the instances above aligned with the life I am living made me question if I was doing it all wrong. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel slightly disappointed at the fact that the expectations above weren’t true for me, or guilty that the life I thought I should be living at this time in my life didn’t exist. In turn of this competition I created in my mind between my own life and those I’ve been exposed to - I robbed myself of my own radiance on my special day.

The truth is, comparison is the thief of joy! Whether it is conscious or unconscious, we raid our own unique light when we turn our heads away from our own grass to see if someone else’s is greener. How can we possibly properly water our one of a kind turf when we’re busy looking around at how everyone else is watering their own? So often, we waste our precious energy on the worry of what others will think. We allow the fear of stepping outside of the box to feel so big that instead of standing out from the crowd, we choose the well beaten path because, well, at least we’ll have the comfort in believing that we “followed the directions”. All while unknowingly dimming our most authentic versions and narrowing the path to our solitary desires. Comparing ourselves and our lives not only robs us of our own joy, it robs our authenticity, and our dreams.

For the remaining days of May, I encourage you to find mindfulness around the moments when you catch yourself studying someone else’s lawn. Metaphorically, instead of examining the brand of fertilizer they’re using, or the water temperature coming out of their hose, try bringing your focus back to your own garden. Trust that the soil that’s in place is dense with love, trust that the fence you’ve built is well structured and sturdy, trust that the sun will shine plenty throughout the day and the amount of rain that falls will be just right. Trust that whatever you choose to plant in your own nurtured garden will grow as long as you promise to water it. When you begin to notice your garden looks different from your neighbors, find appreciation in the beauty of its uniqueness, be reminded that distinctiveness is its bonafide superpower, and lastly, take note that what’s growing is one in four hundred trillion.

When considering it this way, it sounds crazy to compare each other’s gardens, so why do we even begin to compare ourselves? After sitting with this awareness, I feel flooded with happiness that I haven't changed my pace since looking back. My 21 year old garden is FLOURISHING because of the way I choose to water it. Learn from everyone, but compare yourself to no one. Always be yourself, the best, most authentic version that is.

— Colbie Harris

“Stop comparing yourself to others, flowers are pretty but so are sunsets and they look nothing alike”

- Christina Scotch